this is selfish, but i am selfish. who will scream for me now? i can’t even whisper, but i could always count on screaming out my pain through you, and what hurts me the most is that you never had that.
but i’m not going to be sad. because you did this for yourself. and that’s okay too. it should be. it should be okay to do things for yourself.
it’s just the guilt again. the guilt that all that i could hear was my own pain, and completely ignored the one who was screaming the loudest.
when i thought i only have place for hate and anger in my heart, you made me realise that i have place for love too. because i loved your music more than anything at the time. and that love counts too.
and i know you can’t hear me, and i’m sorry if you can, because you did this so that you could avoid all the phony complaints from fans who only thought of themselves first. but now without you, i feel more silenced than ever. i never could even open my mouth, much less scream. but i always felt like i could through you. listening to you was the most cathartic, painless forms of therapy for me.
but i still can. scream, i mean. through you though. even now.
it’s like eminem ❤ said: "just let our spirits live on through our lyrics that you hear in our songs."
you will always live on, chester. through my pain, and everyone else's pain you helped soften, but allowed to breathe. my pain was allowed to respire and exist because you legitimised it.